Deprivation Of The Sonic And You (Transcript)

This is the transcript of Deprivation Of The Sonic And You, as uploaded. It differs from the original planned script due to improvisations and reshoots.

Pre-titles
''The Mad Matter logo plays. Reggie addresses the camera from a garden. The footage appears to be from a ropey VHS tape.''


 * Reggie: Hey. I hear you're in a Sonic drought.

A screenshot of a Google search result appears on-screen.


 * Reggie: Well, I mean, that's your problem, I guess. But anyway... this instructional video will show you how to get over it. As... normally... as possible.

The footage briefly reverts to 16:9 and is as clear as day.


 * Reggie: They're holding me hostage, help.

Titles
''The footage returns to the VHS look. We see a spoof '90s sitcom intro, with somewhat anachronistic iMovie text animations. The text reads "DEPRIVATION OF THE SONIC AND YOU".''

The Perceived problem right now
''The titles then transition to "THE PERCEIVED PROBLEM RIGHT NOW". Reggie addresses the camera again.''


 * Reggie: He-llo. For the past couple of years, SEGA's communication with their fanbase has been a little like this -

''Jump Cut to the "No off-topic questions" vine. Cut back to Reggie.''


 * Reggie: Now I know what you're thinking: 'That's very bad'. And yes, you'd be right.

Back to 16:9 -


 * Reggie: Why am I doing this?

Jump cut back to VHS -


 * Reggie: Arguably, the last time SEGA did any proper advertising for any of their [Sonic] products, was Sonic Mania, back in 2017. For that, they'd had a lot of advertisements (adverts from YouTube search results flash on-screen), a lot of memes, a lot of social media posts, and even a set of cartoons made to advertise the product (Sonic Mania Adventures search results flash on-screen). You didn't get that for Sonic Forces, and you certainly didn't get that many for Team Sonic Racing.

Back To 16:9 -


 * Reggie: Okay, you got a cartoon for the second one, but still. You get my point.

Jump cut back to VHS -


 * Reggie: Many people think SEGA are gonna use the same tactics when advertising the 30th anniversary game, because they haven't heard much about it.

Brief extreme close up on Reggie's mouth -


 * Reggie: Well I've got news for you.

The camera returns to its previous position -


 * Reggie: You're forgetting something.

The Pandemic
A title card pops up that reads "THE PANDEMIC".


 * Reggie: We live in a society that is currently being affected by a global pandemic, which means that pretty much everybody is screwed. Particularly big companies like SEGA, who own the Sonic franchise.

Back to 16:9 -


 * Reggie: Yeah I know you already know this, just listen up, it's important for me to get paid.

Jump cut back to VHS -


 * Reggie: This means that news on Sonic's 30th anniversary are going to take a really long time to get to you. So understand this. Hearing nothing at all is perfectly reasonable . (Logo of Twitter appears on screen) And whatever you do, don't vent your frustrations to Twitter. That's bad . That is a step in the wrong direction! Stop it.

A montage follows of Reggie from different angles and parts of the garden.


 * Reggie: Don't do that. Nobody's going to listen to you! They- no seriously, they won't. Stop it now. Stop whinging, that makes you big cringe.

Back to 16:9 -


 * Reggie: They won't let me out of the basement, help. Don't do this to me.

Jump cut back to VHS -


 * Reggie: Now you may be asking: "But Reggie, why can't I complain on Twitter? I mean, it's the best place to get your voice heard. Everybody will agree with me!"

Brief extreme close up on Reggie's mouth -


 * Reggie: Well I'll tell you something.

The camera returns to its previous position -


 * Reggie: SEGA do not care what you say . They don't care if you make Sonic x Shadow shitposts or fanposts or whatever. They don't care if you criticise what they do - they're just gonna keep doing the same stuff.

Back to 16:9 -


 * Reggie: Get better standards, people!

''Back to the VHS look Black screen. Text on it says "Footage Missing."''


 * Voice: Ring, ring, for fuck's sake.

Back to the garden -


 * Reggie: (gasps) Look's like we've got a caller on the line!

''The face of an unknown man appears on-screen, badly overlaid on top of the Doctor Who title sequence. He speaks like Alex Trebek.''


 * U. N. Known: If I can't vent on Twitter, what should I do then?

Back to the garden -


 * Reggie: Well, that's a good question!

Back to 16:9 -


 * Reggie: Never ask it again. (Extreme close up on his mouth) Because I will know if you do.

What You Can Do
''Return to VHS look. A title card pops up that reads "WHAT YOU CAN DO". We cut back to Reggie in the garden.''


 * Reggie: Go back into the back catalogue, pick a game that you really, really don't like, and re-evaluate it. It'll actually give you something to do while you wait for Sonic Colours to be remade.

Back to 16:9 -


 * Reggie: I mean, a remake's pretty cheap.

''A beat. Return to VHS -''


 * Reggie: But still! It's far more productive than complaining on Twitter. Alternatively, you could just wait until SEGA makes another direct like this one here -

A screenshot of the 2021 Sonic Direct video is displayed briefly.


 * Reggie: ...but most people I know are probably not going to do that, because 'OoOhHhHh wEeE wAnT aLl ThE iNfOrMaTiOn NoW mYeHhHh'. We reached out to a spokesperson at SEGA to get their opinion. This is what they said.

''Jump cut to who Reggie was referring to. It is clearly just him in a hat with the rim pixelated out. The words "Censored for political reasons" is overlaid.''


 * "SEGA Spokesperson": Uhhhh... No Comment-o. (A beat. Looks to camera) Bruh.

''The cameraman laughs and the take breaks down. Jump cut to the garden with Reggie again. Return to 16:9.''


 * Matt (Cameraman): Why did he look very like you?
 * Reggie: Uhh, that's because that was... my... cousin. Yeah... Yeah, definitely my cousin.

Brief jump-cut to an extreme close-up of Reggie's eyes.

Back to VHS -


 * Reggie: Make sure to like, comment, and subscr-

''In the middle of the sentence, Reggie is teleported out. His scarf falls to the ground. The cameraman tries to find him, but can't. Reggie is warped to The Ether.''

The Ether
''Everything around him is weird, and patterns are visible in front of him and to his left. The footage is 16:9.''


 * Reggie: Where am I? What is this?

''A very posh British voice greets Reggie. It's Him Upstairs.''


 * Him: Hello, Reginald. It has been a while.
 * Reggie: Who are you?
 * Him: You don't remember? Oh wait, that's right. We haven't met yet, wrong timeline. Sorry.
 * Reggie: How do you know me?
 * Him: I watched your work on The Experiment. It pleased me.
 * Reggie: Huh. That far back, huh? Yeesh. We don't talk about that. So, uhh, why am I here? And WHAT DO YOU WANT WITH ME?
 * Him: Oh, you needn't worry. A job is waiting for you.

Reggie is disturbed by this.


 * Reggie: I can't do it alone! (No answer.) These hands and feet of mine, they do not work! I Need. Help.
 * Him: (Ignoring this) I must remove you from here and plant you somewhere else.
 * Reggie: What about Matt?
 * Him: What about him?
 * Reggie: Send him down. Get him to help me. He's the... He's the only guy I trust.
 * Him: As you wish.
 * Reggie: So, uhh, how am I gonna get to the job? Is there a form of transport?
 * Him: It is being initiated as we speak.
 * Reggie: (Disturbed) Wait, hold on a minute. You didn't ask my consent!
 * Him: I don't need to. Our time is short. We will speak later. Goodbye.
 * Reggie: Now, hold on. You can't do this to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Reggie is caught in a time loop and sent plummeting down a wormhole that looks suspiciously like a toilet flush.


 * Him: So long Reggie. Happy trails.

''Black screen. The title card for The Show briefly appears on-screen, then cuts out.''